Over a month ago...

I started this blog, hoping I could update it daily. Six days in, I was already behind.
Now it's been a month since my last update, and if history is any indicator, it's going to be rocky getting back into it.

I think the reason for this is due to two things:

1.) I usually have very little to say. I haven't come to the point where I feel that my daily life is interesting enough to chronicle the minutes of, and often when there is, it's not something I want to write down or tell the general public.
2.) I have opinions that are pretty controversial, and when I get fired up about something, like religion or republicans or PWDs, I try to bite my tongue because I don't like offending people.

There probably isn't any easy fix to problem 1. That's going to take time. There are days when I have a lot to say and want to get it all out at once, but I avoid doing that because I'd spend all day writing a single post, and that's not really conducive to getting anything else done - after all, I'm an artist, not an author :P  Usually the days when I'm flooded with things to get off my chest, are followed by weeks where I don't want to say anything at all.
Problem 2, on the other hand, does have an easy fix, which is to just come right out and say what's on my mind. That's not an easy thing either, because I'm one of those people who actually cares about what other people think of me.  It's a bad habit, I know, and it's only helped to alienate me from people who might otherwise be friends, but reaching that point of not caring anymore is probably one of the toughest things for an introvert to get past.

Gil Grissom from CSI probably would know exactly how I feel were he a real person - the fear of "being known". The truth of it is, there are a lot of things about me and my life and my choices that I am ashamed of, and that makes it really hard for me to talk about a lot of things.  I tried going to therapy for a while, and I couldn't follow through because after rehearsing things I wanted to say or talk about, it all just sounded so petty and stupid to be worked up about. And here I am, stuffed back into my shell.

So unless I can think of something impersonal to blog about, it's probably going to be very tough going.